Waddup Savi Crew!
It has been a difficult couple of weeks for me—this last week being especially challenging. The metaphorical thorn in my side is the frustration of having creative dreams and wanted to focus on that but needing to take corporate jobs to cover the bills and stay afloat financially in life while I pursue my writing dream since creativity doesn’t immediately pay (particularly in Trinidad where I live).
I’ve worked in the corporate world for the past two decades and I’ve learned a lot about people, life experiences, what I like and don’t like, how to run your own business, etc. I was young—right out of secondary school—painfully naïve about people with zero life experiences.
In 2013, I was let go from my contract due to the fact that I was not qualified enough to be permanent in the position. Never mind I had experience coming out the wazoo; no qualifications, no job. So in 2014, I signed up to do my ABE diploma in Business and went on to do my Bachelor of Arts in Business Administration.
During this time, I was home, able to focus on my studies while my family covered the finances. In hindsight, I wished I had done something writing-related instead of business. I’ve always put others before myself and now my dreams are suffering because of it.
My current situation stands: I’m qualified for management but you cannot get those positions without experience—which I don’t have. Furthermore, I went back to the same company that let me go because I lacked qualifications—same script, different cast. So I’m only good enough to get administrative jobs, which makes me want to stab my eyeball out and slit my wrists—dramatic, I know but it’s how I feel.
I would be open to being a virtual admin assistant and working remotely from home so I can work on my novels in my downtime. But those types of jobs don’t exist in Trinidad. Trekking to work each day and having to deal with the office environment that I loathe as an introvert who just wants to write, revise and edit my novel ideas is mentally taxing. I would be open to travelling abroad for creative job opportunities (which is rare in Trinidad) but nothing has piqued my interest.
Thus, my spirit is slightly broken. My family nags me about getting corporate employment but all the avenues I’ve taken have resulted in dead-ends. Even God doesn’t want me to get an office job! Everybody gets to live their dream—except me. My cousin told me to live my dream and that my family has to understand and accept that. I guess my life’s novel is an ending that’s still left to be written.
If there’s anyone out there who has a dream that they’ve held onto—not necessarily writing-related—please hold on to your dream, never give up, be encouraged and keep working at it. Little by little, everyday; keep it in front of your mind, don’t compromise and never let anyone tell you that you’re not good enough. That dream was put there for a reason. Pursue it.
And remember, no matter where you live, take a little time to enjoy the island life!